i wish there was something i was really good at

not grammar

around the world

This past Wednesday I was pleasantly surprised by what I received in the mail. Now, I almost never get any mail besides school or bank stuff. So, it was really nice to see that I got not one but two postcards from my friends in their travels!!

I received a postcard from my dear Vicky (hello! :p) from San Francisco. She writes that it's a fitting city for her and she thinks I'd like it, too. I agree.
Despite it being the second most expensive U.S. city (besides NYC of course), I became excited and really drawn to it when I had researched it a few months back. For a long while I was trying to plan a trip there to spend the 4th of July with Jon! But alas plans fell through; I waited too long and tickets to Cali shot up.
I will make my way over to the west coast one day - I agree with Vicky and think I can fit in there nicely.

The second card was from my Columbia classmate and fellow film major George (same guy who brought me with him to work in Madison and Philly!). George had texted me for my address before he left so I'm glad he followed up and sent me a card! He wrote that the photo depicts the village that is mother is from in Greece -- how... breathtaking! *_* Needless to say: jealousss.
My friend Briaden made a comment to me the other day that he's lived in cities with large bodies of water all his life - Cebu, Cali, Texas, Hawaii, and Chicago. As I've lived on the same street in Chicago since three, I've always been a three block, seven-minute walk to the beach and lake. I think I feel the same kinda comfort he feels with water. It's so expansive - kind of like the open road to me.


These postcards also reminded me of the travel I'm not doing! aha. I dreamed of a lot of traveling this summer but of course didn't go through with them for various practical reasons (but um my seven-city east coast road trip would have been amazing??? And let me again lament that I don't think I'll see a european flight for $400 again).

Hopefully soon I'll have my own postcards to be sending.


p.s. I like how all but one of my posts this summer have been me writing at like 3 AM (6 in there too).

kill - jimmy eat world

I am a sort of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

chicago will be laid to waste

He laid emeralds in her eyes,
Oh but I'd already tried a bracelet made of gold
And a scarlet thread around her wrist.
And everything was wrong, so we sang sentimental songs.
Oh how seldom we belong but how elegant our kiss!

And we painted crooked lines
But we danced in perfect time to a love so much refined,
We know not what it is until like a dullen wine
we pour into a grief we've known before
But never quite like this, never quite like this.

All I know now is regret.
It follows like a silhouette along the cobblestone behind me,
But she has nothing much to say except to innocently ask,
Her voice delicate as glass,
"Do you see me when we pass?"
But I, I continue on my way.

books

i really wish books were cheaper cause i'd certainly like to own a lot and read more.

murakami
hemingway
lolita
war and peace
slaughterhouse five
great expectations
catch 22
the bell jar

edit:
upon further research, i am finding quite a few through the wonderfully cheap(er) dover thrift editions, signet classics, and bantam classics! now i can get some down so it's a good way to work towards the books i want!

travels

it's 3:30 AM and i'm bored with nothing to do so maybe i should write about some random travels i've done this year!


February
Went to Madison, Wisconsin with my buddy George for two of his special studies I films, in which I had to act. -__- Anyway this was from early Thursday 2/12 (talking 5 AM pick up time) to late Saturday the 14th. I remember I felt bad not being with Jonathan on Valentine's Day (though we don't really care for/celebrate it) but I got George to get us back in Chicago by 10pm.
George's classmate Mitch Buss and Mitch's old friend who is a waiter named Ian came along too. George and Mitch drove and we were cramped in George's family's van that was packed all the way up to our backseat area with lighting equipment. I remember at one point at night George was driving and well he fell asleep for a second cause I watched as the car veered left and he certainly woke up when we drove over the sidewalk!
Madison is a cute city; their downtown is totally different. They have so many more unique shops and restaurants and it's not all MCDONALDS H&M GAP CHIPOTLE! We went in a few shops but I only got some gifts (including a Hello Kitty toaster, yes) at the Urban Outfitters. I was so ecstatic at their 5% tax rate ahah aha.
I remember there was this one night where Mitch, Ian, and I just walked around their town square waiting for George. We walked up to their capitol building, from which eight streets span out like rays. It started snowing lightly but we saw this dump truck dumping a bunch of snow on the ground and we were like wtf you crazy wisconsin ppl. Well we asked what was up and apparently they had some winter games thing that weekend where people got to ski or whatever all through the big streets and since there wasn't yet snow to do so, they were doing it themselves.
anywho UWisc kids have a really, really nice campus. i was quite jealous. it was the second real, big campus i've been on since MAASU 08 @ UKansas.
We found this body of water somewhere and I saw some canoes and thought that I'd like to try it out here. I remember being so amazed at the difference in Chicagoans and these people from Madison. First off George got permission to shoot in their historical society! And the people there- well, there was this old man who was there every day that we were there, and I noticed that we leave for a few hours, with his bag and stuff still open in the area. I was just amazed cus that shit woulda been snatched in Chicago.
Hmm I think that's all the random I have for Madison.

In early April (the 3rd-5th) ASO and I embarked on my second MAASU, this time to UMich in Ann Arbor, MI. It was only a four-hour drive; I can't even fathom how we did nine hours last year!
UMich had a big campus, too, although some areas looked pretty broke, gotta say. Just some areas looked like they hadn't been touched in a long time I guess. But like the building we were in, their new science and research building - very beautiful main floor!
On the Sunday that we left, we all had some grub and dessert at their most famous eatery. The little neighborhood that Bae brought us to (she used to go to UMich so she still remembered most things) called Kerrytown was pretty cute. We ran into this flea market but a lot of things were pretty pricey. We went into this little mini mall sorta building and found the coolest Korean-American fusion joint ever! I snapped a photo of the menu on my phone before being told photos weren't allowed. But they just had a lot of cool things like the "Seoul Dog" which was a hot dog with some spicy kimchi on it! Remo (major foodie) loveddd it; I didn't doubt that he wouldn't!

Oh so in early May I worked with George again and this time we went all the way to PHILADELPHIA! I remember I was just sooo apprehensive but excited when he tracked me down at ASO's A2 event just to ask me to come along. I knew he really needed someone to 1st AC for him, because he was asking me - he got me 1st'ing for the first time on a digital shoot back in April which wasn't so bad, but I had never 1st'ed on film before, so I was definitely nervous. "I don't know how to check the gate!", I told him. I reminded him plenty of my shortcomings but he still insisted and I knew he just really needed someone so I agreed.
Philly was a 12 hour drive (Kansas, what?) and we left at 1AM Thursday morning D: There were two cars- George and the director Chase in the same family van while Miles K. (actor, grip), Colin P. (cam sem classmate, actor, grip), Paul Kane (actor, grip) and I were in his mom's SUV. Miles drove first so I just went to bed in the back. I remember waking up around 2:30 AM because both cars got pulled over by a cop. Apparently the speed limit was 70 and George went 88 while Miles tried to keep up with him at 86. It sucks cus you speed cus you want to get there faster but then this stop was honestly like 45 minutes long, and plus you are down like $200 :/ I think Paul drove next and I drove from 7-10 AM. It is suchhhh a nice scenic drive towards the east coast! Nothing like Wisconsin, Indiana, Michigan, and especially not the cornfields and barren lands down to Kansas. It is so greeeen everywhere with these HUGE rolling hills/mountains and trees planted all over! So gorgeous and I wanted to take pics but obvs couldn't as I was driving.

hmm I think this is it for now.



I wish I had that program with a pic of the U.S. where it colored in each state you've been to :D
I added a lot this year so from west to east I can say:
Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Iowa, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey. 11/50 !

the girl who blocked her own shot

i'm glad that you can forgive
only hoping as time goes you can forget

this whole damn song

text

"No, I don't want to, this time. I want to hold onto this funny thing. God, it's gotten big on me. I don't know what it is. I'm so damned unhappy, I'm so mad, and I don't know why. I feel like I'm putting on weight. I feel fat. I feel like I've been saving up a lot of things, and don't know what. I might even start reading books."

: Reason why I picked up Bradbury off the shelf.

--

The 5th marks my third day of the 30 day shred. I'm feeling better about it. I'll be able to carry shit now. That's good.

--

"I haven't decided. Right now I've got an awful feeling I want to smash things and kill things."
"Go take the beetle."
"No, thanks."
"The keys to the beetle are on the night table. I always like to drive fast when I feel that way. You get it up around ninety-five and you feel wonderful. Sometimes I drive all night and come back and you don't know it. It's fun out in the country. You hit rabbits, sometimes you hit dogs. Go take the beetle."

 

wanderlust

Wanderlust, n.
A desire to travel, to understand one's very existence.
- The Fall, special features video.

I keep telling myself I'll wake up earlier to get more of the day, but my normal sleeping schedule now seems to be around 4/5AM- 2PM. My alarm is always set to 11-12 but I keep pushing snooze. It's been abnormally cold recently for June, and so the warmth and comfort of my bed are things that keep me in. I think I've also realized that I'd rather stay in and sleep/daydream for so long because my dreams are better than the nothing that I have to look forward to in real life.

I dreamt that Joe surprised the whole family with airplane tickets! I flipped through the tickets to find my name and found that I was flying to Paris with a stop over in Montreal and (since dreams don't make sense) I was flying back from Hanoi with a stop over in Hawaii! ehe. I was really ecstatic.
There were a number of other occurrences but I don't remember anymore :|

Paris Winter 07-08

Like I said, my summer is meh and I've been doing nothing. In my yearning to travel, I will finally type up the contents of the travel journal that Erica and I wrote in everyday for the 17 days we were in Europe from December 26, 2008 to January 11, 2009. Some entries are written in bullet point, others like a story. It varied. But it's all good. Most things in parentheses are additional comments I'm adding now for better understanding.  

Alright so I've tried and edited and turns out the bullet form just looks really ugly on here.  I'm not satisfied when the single-indent bullet available on blogspot so I went to Word to type it all out, and when pasted here, looks horrible.  So, I'll figure something out.

Until then.

the beginnings of summer

finding myself out of school and without a job, i tend to melt into unremarkable days of nothingness that seam into one another. my sleep time continuously gets later and later which causes me to stay in bed til noon, 1pm which further pushes back my bed time. whatta cycle. this is summer. my misanthropic self grows increasingly negative meanwhile, which adds to my choice to stay cooped up in my small room.
(this explains my 4 AM post, you see)
you want to know what's really annoying? being up til 5 AM and hearing the chirping of those early morning birds that tell you it's time to get up... they annoy me for the same reason- i'm trying to sleep!! except i haven't started yet...

(though my tongue may not (fortunately) taste it, my mind keeps pushing the taste of miso soup in my mouth.)

vivre sa vie, film en douze tableaux (1962), jean-luc godard
this past friday i went to go see the last showing of vivre sa vie at the music box theatre. i had made a note a month ago to see it because i didn't want to pass up the chance to see an old film be projected in the theater, and on a nicer 35mm print too.
i missed the first 10 minutes because i circled the block a good four times because each time i'd see a parking space on the opposite side only to find that it had been taken and there was now an open space on the side i was previously on.
anyway, the film was in the smaller theater 2; the size and apparent closeness took me by surprise when i walked in to take a seat. what i noticed right away that bothered me was that about the top 10% of the image was cut off; it was projecting on the curtain and frequently resulted in odd head framing. if you're going to show a special print of an old film, why not make sure it is done right???
again, anyway, the film progressed in 12 parts which were punctuated with title cards containing brief ideas/stories/places of what was to follow: the stranger, gunshots, champs elysees, nana wonders whether she is truly happy, etc. i don't care to go too deeply into the film as there's enough said out there and, with the nature of french new wave, some things were not intended to have any meaning at all anyway. that makes me sound lazy but that's alright. i suppose i'll contradict myself and go into it a bit anyway. i did pay particular attention to the camera movement and framing. there was this one peculiar movement in the restaurant scene where nana is talking to this guy. it's a single, very long shot where the camera literally picks up and moves to frame one character at a time. the other character is framed almost completely out so there is heavy negative space. why not just have a wide enough shot to see both characters converse with one another??! who knows. i don't remember their conversation anymore but the likely explanation would be that it separated each person's dialogue and gave it more importance- forced you to look and pay attention to it.
another thing i paid particular attention to was the editing, which goes along with the shots/coverage godard wanted. there, of course, were not many cuts in a scene. like band of outsiders (which i studied for my editing class), godard held the shot and let the characters move freely around in the frame. if nana turned around to talk to someone behind her, we looked at the back of her head until she was done. it was different, definitely. the film definitely made me think about what i would and wouldn't be able to get away with if i were to employ similar editing styles to my films now.
something else i thought about besides film aspects was the french. sometimes i'd read the title cards in french to see if i could understand them without reading the english subtitles (which is another thing i'd like to complain about: they were plain white and shown directly over the image, which rendered you unable to understand anything if the scene was bright and made it look really silly when the shot was tightly framed). sometimes i read too slowly and the scene would begin before i finished reading the rest of it. but i was very proud of myself in this one particular shot in which we see the contents of a letter nana is writing. godard chooses to show the letter from beginning to end (again, this mostly would not fly in present day), contemplations, slow writing and all. i was happy that i was able to understand the majority of the letter and only had to look to the subtitles for one part where she writes that her hair grows fast.
anyway i really liked the use of sound and image in the part of the film where the pimp explains the ins and outs of being a prostitute. it was a simple voice-over narration but it played particularly well because of the question/answer form that it was presented in. nana's naivete and his monotone instructions added something to it.
also, near the end of the film, there is a very long scene in which nana engages in a conversation with an old man ("the philosopher") about words, language, and love. there were some really great things said in there but this is the only one i found that i liked:
        Nana: Shouldn't love be the only truth?
        The Philosopher: For that, love would always have to be true...
i have to say the ending was pretty abrupt and actually made me chuckle at its nonsense. before we are able to process what happened we are presented with a quick FIN. ahah. overall, though, i did enjoy the film and was glad i was able to experience it in the theater.

hmmm now that i've written that i've forgotten everything else i wanted to mention.
on the topic of film, i have the following arriving to me:
12 angry men
city of god
the curious case of benjamin button (2-disc criterion collection)
days of heaven
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
the fall
very happy :)
also i think i'll be seeing UP in 3D this weekend! hope it's good.

for some reason i've been sucked into the idea of netbooks. i had never intended on buying one but the other day i just started looking up one in particular (because of a tech vidcast i was watching... that i was doing a transcription for on mturk bla bla). i think i am set on buying the acer aspire somethingsomething.. 7501h? can't believe i remembered that. anyway, it's just a nice sized 11.6", full sized keyboard, LED widescreen, 1" thick, 3 pound, wifi enabled netbook... nice specs eh! and it'll be $380 since i'll be getting the battery that'll last 8 hours. not bad! i just always wanted a laptop in the back of my head for my travels and this sounds like it should work out perfectly. :] if not that one, then i'll be looking for another one...

anyway i think i should sleep soon and i've rambled enough. but i would like to share my love and admiration for the work at gelaskins.com. such nice work, want them all! i have about 30 open tabs of skins to look through... -__-

The end is nigh!

does our ruin benefit the earth? does it help the grass to grow and sun to shine?




is this darkness in you, too?


have you passed through this night?

i'm back. went on a roadtrip spanning five states and made it to see the east coast for the first time. i'm tired, sick, sleepy, and my feet are a little soggy. i'm going to sleep for a bit.

cody, mogwai

I really should start writing more. I really enjoy being able to read back on old things; I am always up for some nostalgia. Also, so I don't forget how to write. Cus, I don't do it for school. Har. Har har. Har- oh.

the following will be just random thoughts, with no transitions in between, if they make sense at all anyway.

So with this past weekend being my first free one in weeks, I've come to realize that I shouldn't complain about being busy too much, because I realized that if I don't have anything to do, I really will do n o t h i n g. And I mean absolutely nothing in that I get pissed at myself for being so unproductive. Can't even get a head start on things, take some photos, study a bit, brainstorm some ideas, exercise, read a book, etc.
Though, I guess I do enjoy being able to do small things like catching up with my three fashion blogs, The Sartorialist especially, searching for apartments though I can't act any time soon, and the more recent activity of doing some things on Mechanical Turk!

In these past.. months or so, few things have changed; things aren't much different. I feel I've outgrown some things, some people, though. I am not missing Facebook. When I think I about it I really despise the meaningless jabber and narcissistic photo whoring that seemed to become the site (not to mention that wretched, wretched re-design). Four hundred plus friends is just a numbers game because I really care for maybe 10, if that. I think of how quasi-useful Facebook may be with the people I'm meeting on set, but I think if they really want to get in contact with me, they will find other, more substantial ways of getting in touch with me, am I right? It's not going horribly so far, I suppose. I've been good for the month+ I've been off. Maybe it will be permanent, maybe not.
I was reading this short article/blog or other about some guy who eliminated all of his social networking sites and reduced his company to contacting him the actual human way. He noted that, with the elimination of the networking sites, people cut out all the fluff and useless chatter and got straight to the point.

A lot of what I feel sometimes is this feeling that I'm not where or what I should be. I'm entering my final year at Columbia and beginning the core of the advanced cinematography courses and yet I feel that I am far unprepared to be "advanced." I feel like I'm late. My time is running out.
And I feel I am definitely drifting away from people I used to otherwise hang with often, think of highly. We've evolved into different things and different people but I haven't really found new things or people myself. I believe I'm just as antisocial and hermitic as before.
I don't want to say that I'm really complaining about these things, though. They're merely observations in my eyes. Points to note. Cus I know, everyone knows, I'm the only possible agent of change.

I just think I need a change of pace right now, something new.
I at least want to take this down, so I can look at it in the future (and weep).


O_O Never again! CRAZY good price.
But alas. I guess I'll see what the summer holds for me otherwise. It's usually nothing much at all but there may be some plans in the works to spend July 4th in some other city. We'll see I guess.

I think I've rambled enough and I'm sleepy now.

For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

i'm not sure why i thought i could get/absorb 8 weeks of photo theory in a couple of hours.
midterm in t minus 90 minutes.
i accept my fate

the curious case of benjamin button

Life isn't measured in minutes, but in moments

I watched this yesterday for the $5.50 early bird special at evanston theater as part of my plan to watch a film in a theater at least once a month at this incredibly cheap price. (it's part of my goal to see films as they were intended to be seen, to get the better film watching experience, and to enhance to appreciation for the art of cinema).

You know how Forrest Gump is a "life film?" Meaning, according to myself at least, that it's a film about the treasures and trials of life, a film that includes a good number of lessons to be learned in life. Well, I'd definitly consider The Curious Case of Benjamin Button to be one of those films. It struck many chords with me. It was a 2 hour and 46 minute long film, but I watched patiently as it took me on a journey, from the beginning of a life to the end of it.

There were some really poetic moments and great lines/truths. I always admire the well-written word.
I liked a number of things that are too cheesy for me to post all here publicly, but let me say that I was moved by all that was said. It had me thinking for a long while after.

cold hands,

incredibly sad, incredibly angry

"greatness is never a given. it must be earned"

-president obama

You know what I realized.. I deeply admire greatness: great people, great things. Just the idea is very empowering and admirable: the drive, passion, and will to carry out and do what you feel deepest in your heart. Ok, I know Hitler can fall under this category, but it's what you do with it. Greatness in being able to move people and give them hope to do good things, greatness in being able to talk to a class of students and hold them captive with your words and stories. I admire Abraham Lincoln, FDR, Victor Hugo- reading about these people really inspire me. Also: LITERATURE TEACHERS! All the ones I had in high school- Flanagan, Jones, Bertenshaw, Thompson- allllll great at making me admire the power of literature, the written word, the magical storyteller. In addition, I especially admire those in the ARTS- music, design, film. I'm amazeddd by what people can do and I'm really jealous of all that talent ! -__- Musicians, graphic designers are sometimes more impressive to me than... a lawyer? You know? No offense intended.

I think I just realized now what I want my new year's resolution to be. And I'm not late, either, for it is the Lunar New Year today (chuc mung nam moi). I want to do greater things this year, not just for myself (in school, in being a person), but for others too (my family, friends, community). I think I realized the other day, after spending, what, $160 more on shopping, that I do have a lot of nice things and that I don't really need more. I should focus more on giving back.